Hide And Seek
by soundfanatic
Summary: A one-shot. Jude/Tommy


**A/N: **Okay, so I basically wrote this a while back when I was feeling extremely angsty and depressed, but I am now deciding to post it. Please leave a reveiw with your thoughts. Thanks,

Katie xoxo

* * *

**Hide and Seek**

"No!"

My eyes shot open as the breath in my throat caught, and I looked around the empty room wildly. My breathing was labored and beads of warm, salty sweat were trailing down my icy skin. Images from my newest nightmare flashed in my mind over and over again like some horrific slideshow. The moon peeked through the heavy clouds and casted eerie shadows through the unadorned window above me, making my nightmare seem more real. Chills appeared on my skin and I tried to rub them away, but it was no use. Terror was still fresh in my system and I needed to escape.

I climbed out of bed and maneuvered my way through the dark towers of cardboard boxes. I found my pile of everyday clothes and I grabbed the pair of jeans resting on the top, pulled them on over my underwear, and threw on my favorite heavy leather jacket over the tank top I had worn to bed. I knew that it was foolish to hang on to something that reminded me of him, but in all reality I needed to feel close to him. All I had to do was inhale the scent that still lingered there and I would feel the anxiety slip away. Memories of happier times--times when I was still naïve and carefree--would weave their way through my head, but every time I tried to remember the memories would become dimmer and lose clarity. However, all I needed was the feeling to pull me through. It was knowing that I once was happy that got me through my worst days. After all, I was making up for all of those times when I felt perfect and complete. It was the universe's way of keeping the balance; with such bliss comes the backlash afterwards. I was in the backlash.

I walked over to the foyer and pulled some warm boots over my feet and grabbed a beanie off the hat rack near the door. I shoved the knitted beanie over my unruly hair and frozen ears. The mirror that hung beside the rack flashed my appearance at me. I didn't recognize the corpse staring back at me. There were dark bruise-like marks below hollow eyes, and the empty expression made the pale white skin stand out against the dark leather of the clothes that hung on a wiry frame. It was a stark contrast that frightened me. I tore my gaze from this ghastly person and flew out of the hall. Closing and locking the door behind me, I stepped out of my townhouse and onto the dark, icy pavement. The frozen air hit my lungs with such a crippling force that I coughed from the impact. I should have been used to this by now, but I still managed to forget how the thin air affected me until it was too late. It was refreshing in a way; it sobered me enough to where I knew I was awake, but I wasn't sure that being awake was any better than being trapped in one of my nightmares. Both realities were missing the same thing. No matter what, I couldn't escape the overwhelming guilt or smothering emptiness that I felt whenever I remembered his last words or the way he looked at me when he said them. A stray tear escaped from my eyes, but I quickly swatted it away. The wounds were still fresh after all of this time; a year had passed and it still felt like the accident had happened a day ago. I was still young, I had just turned twenty, but I felt like my entire life had been lived twice over.

I broke into a blind run and darted down the cobblestone streets. The unforgiving air whipped and stabbed the exposed parts of my flesh, mainly my hands and face. It had to have been the coldest night in record history from the way everything seemed to freeze and glitter. My lungs burned and I felt like collapsing into a sobbing mess, but I had to keep running if I wanted to forget. I needed to physically suffer to drown out the pain of my breaking heart. I honestly didn't know how much more of this emotional breakdown I could take before I snapped under its crushing weight.

It didn't take long before I tripped on a jutting piece of stone. Falling, I had scraped my palms up badly, but I didn't notice it right away because of the way they were already burning from the cold. I watched in a fascinated detachment as my warm blood trickled from the wounds and dripped onto the pavement. I glanced up and found a narrow alley sandwiched between two grey buildings. Making my way over to my sanctuary, I didn't fail to notice the concerned and curious stares of the stragglers that were still up and wandering the streets of London at this hour. I must have looked like a freak to them-- running, tripping, and crying like some fumbling, lunatic has-been popstar. Maybe I _had_ lost my mind. If I had lost my mind, it was probably with my capability to love another person.

I nearly collapsed into the dark alley, tears nearly freezing halfway down my face. I felt like I was dying. It might have been a good thing if I was sure that I was going to heaven. I knew he was there, but my wretched soul might have had to be bargained for. I tried to think of the last good thing I did that might be able to get me in good graces with whichever God was running the place. Memories flooded my crowded brain, overwhelming me in an instant. I was helpless at their mercy. Memories of love, pain, screaming, and laughter, memories that continued to dim. I don't remember the last time I laughed.

Then, the memory I was trying so hard to block out from ever returning to me, blocked out everything else.

_The faint sound of my ringtone interrupted my peaceful slumber at… ugh, noon already? I violently grabbed my cell from my nightstand next to my bed and examined the caller ID on the screen. Sadie would have hell to pay for waking me up before two. I pressed the answer button and fully prepared myself to sound angry. _

"_Sadie! I'm not sure what time it is there bu--" _

"_Jude!" Sadie's sobbing had caught my attention. I sat up with any foggy remnants of sleep immediately vaporizing. _

"_Sadie, breathe. What is it?" I could feel my stomach churn into little knots. I wasn't sure how much longer I could play the 'calm and collected' role with my sister on the other line freaking out this badly. _

"_Ju-jude, there's b-been an a-accident." Sadie continued to cry and stutter until I heard someone on the other line ask for the phone. Bewildered, I sat in shock as I waited for any information. A masculine voice that I had come to recognize as Darius' began to speak. _

"_What your sister is trying to tell you is that Tommy has been in an accident. We're not sure if he's going to make it." _

I didn't remember much after that except packing a small travel bag for Toronto and getting on the next immediate flight I could catch. The entire trip there, I had been trying to hold in my emotion. I was good at it, or maybe I was still in shock and it hadn't hit me yet. The next thing I did remember was arriving at a hospital that Sadie had texted me the address to. She and Darius were waiting for me inside the confines of the hospital. There were thousands of fans outside of the hospital trying to give the staff things to take up to Tommy. There were mainly cards and flowers, but some of the fans had purchased stuffed animals and put tiny shirts on them with things like "Get better and marry me!" on the front. I was thoroughly disgusted. They were fully unaware of the repercussions of this accident and what effects it might have on him if he ever woke up. The last thought sent a wave of nausea and dread through me.

I was shaking badly by the time I had run up to Sadie and thrown myself into her arms. It had been too long since I last saw her, and I certainly didn't think we'd be reunited under circumstances like these. I took comfort in knowing that she still smelled the same. At least some things didn't have to change.

"_Jude, you might not be prepared for what has happened, so I'm going to fill you in on the way to his room." Darius' grim demeanor put a severity in the air that made this dream-like day seem all too real. I could feel the breakdown coming. _

"_Spare me the gory details. I just need to know if he's going to be alright." My voice sounded detached from me, like someone else had spoken it. _

"_He's been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past few hours, but every time he's awake he seems to want the same thing… _you_." _

At that point, I thought I was surely trapped in another one of my nightmares. Only this time, I wasn't waking up.

Slowly making my way over to Tommy's bedside, there was no way I could brace myself for what was going to happen. Tommy looked terrible. His handsome face was marred with bruises and cuts, and everywhere else was in bandages. I shakily pulled a chair to his bed and sat down. Gripping his hand, I leaned over and placed a feathery kiss on his forehead.

Letting everything sink in, I began to cry. I cried and watched Tommy sleep for what seemed like hours before he came to once more. Once he saw me, his eyes lit up, and I could tell he was in excruciating amounts of pain by the way his smile faltered.

"_Jude…" he croaked out. There was so much that we both needed to say, and so little time to say it all in. But he didn't have to say a thing because it was all in his eyes. Love shone there like beacons in the dark. It hit me hard and almost knocked me breathless because I realized that I had never stopped loving him either. _

"_Shhhh… Tommy, it's okay. Just… listen to me." I brushed stray locks of dark hair off of his forehead. My throat began to close around the words I needed to get out. "As soon as I heard, there was no choice… I had to be here…" _

_I sighed raggedly and continued, "You have no idea how hard it was for me to leave and stay away. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need you, but the truth is that I do. I need you." _

_Tears burned down my cheeks as I watched him struggle for breath. "Jude, I love you." _

"_I know. I love you too, so much." I choked back sobs. I was trying to be strong for him. "Now stop talking, you'll just make it worse. I need you better for when we start making music together again." _

_We smiled at each other and time stood still. I held both of his large, warm hands in my tiny, cold ones. _

_Tommy closed his eyes and released his breath in one last content sigh. The monitors hooked up to him began to siren wildly. I panicked._

"_Tommy? Babe, wake up." I squeezed his limp hand. "Tommy! Don't leave me!" _

_Doctors rushed into the room in frightening blurs of motion. They surrounded me, and I could feel someone pulling me off of Tommy's body and out of the room. I could physically feel my heart breaking, and the pain was so intense that I buckled under its weight. _

"_NO! Get off me! He needs me!" I screeched and thrashed wildly. "Tommy! TOMMY!" _

I vaguely remember collapsing against Sadie outside of Tommy's room as the doctors tried unsuccessfully to resuscitate him.

Music had left me. Tommy was ripped from me. Joy had been sucked out of everything. I fell into a deep black hole that light dared not invade. After that day, I became void. I could see no reason to live. I attempted suicide twice, but someone was always there to keep me from following completely through.

It's hard to climb out of the dark after you've become used to it. Sometimes you don't want to leave because the pain you feel reminds you that you are real. But somehow I was convinced to move hack home into reality. Sadie was going to stay with me. I had a flight to catch in a few hours.

I stared up at a light coming from a window high above the alley. I thought of it as a sign. Somewhere in the distance I could hear music playing. A soft melody began to drift over my ears. I was overcome with the beauty of it and began to cry once more. The music swelled into a crescendo, and then there was nothing.

* * *

_An image flashed across the TV screen, and the lens zoomed in on the grim face of the TV reporter._

"_Today is a tragic day for the music industry, indeed. On the one year anniversary of fellow musician and producer Tom Quincy's death, the body of Jude Harrison was found in an alley in London only blocks away from her studio apartment. Police say that there was no foul play involved, and doctors are still trying to figure out what caused this young lady to leave us so pre-maturely. Quincy and Harrison were linked a few years back…"_

* * *

**The End.**


End file.
